Were you aware that your feelings of self worth can greatly affect your success?
It’s strange, but true and if you stay with me through this post I’ll give you a few examples and suggestions that might prompt you do some re-evaluation.
When I think back over the years it’s amazing how many conversations I’ve had with people who are not happy with their current financial situation, yet just accept where they are with no intentions of working towards improvement.
I can always remember talking to a friend who worked very hard at her job. One day she called me and told me that she was very excited because she had applied for a promotion yet at the same time felt unsure as to whether she would be the successful candidate.
She prepared for her interview anyway and went through all the motions, but in the end she was not awarded the position.
Though she was disappointed, she told me that it was probably a “blessing in disguise” because it might have been “out of her league” anyway.
I felt really badly for her because I knew what she was made of, but she didn’t… and went on the work at her old job for years to come.
Another friend held a position at her workplace for a very long time and was absolutely outstanding and a true asset to the company.
One day, the manager hired another person to work alongside of my friend as the workload was such that it could support two people.
One day, the new girl went to lunch and left her pay check on her desk.
My friend, being human took a peak and noticed that the new girl was earning considerably more than she was… yet she had been at this position for at least 8 years.
My friend was devastated and felt very demoralized. The part that broke my heart though was that she told me that she felt that she must be getting paid for what she was worth and wasn’t going to say anything.
I’m sure there are many people who have experienced this type of blow, but because they suffer from such low self worth, they sit back and just accept the way things are.
I talk to people occasionally who snoop around the internet dreaming of ways to earn a better income and to build a business online.
They see many opportunities to offer a better way of life, but never ever take the plunge to seriously work towards their ‘dreams’.
I always ask my potential partners what they currently do for a living and of course why they feel they might be interested in building their own business.
The responses often reflects their insecurity and a percentage of my contacts turn out to be tire kickers in the end, … not necessarily because they lack desire, it’s just that deep down inside, they don’t feel worthy or that they could succeed.
I have to admit; I too have dipped into the “low self worth doldrums” once or twice, but thankfully had a louder and more dominating positive inner voice that snapped me back to my senses.
I don’t know if I ever told you this before, but I have been an entrepreneur since I was 13. I know it sounds funny that a 13 years old could be an entrepreneur… but I was.
I went to an ‘own your own business’ seminar with my dad and purchased a little gold stamping press to print prestige business cards. It was a hot press that heated up metal dyes and when these dyes came into contact with a sheet of foil and then pressed against business card stock or a wedding napkin, the foil melted on the stock to form a gold or silver impression.
I did very well with this little business and was able to build it up. Later I went onto sell it and the profit became part of the down payment for my house.
Later when I met my husband, I had already owned my home for almost 10 years, which gave us a wonderful start. We then pooled our matching ambitions to start a successful business in the industrial equipment field.
Years later when our marriage went sideways, I decided to sell my shares in the family business that we built together and we divided our assets as I chose to stay at home to raise my children.
It wasn’t a happy time for sure… not for me anyway, but the part that really did a lot of damage to my self worth and confidence when my ex told me that I had always ridden on his shirt tails and had never contributed to the success of our business.
I don’t know why I didn’t just turn around and pop him one… I should have. That statement really set me back emotionally for quite a while.
Additionally the knowledge that I / we had failed in marriage added many different emotions. I felt I had failed myself, my children, disappointed my family and basically in my own mind there was nothing worthy about me.
One day I thought to myself… “hey wait a minute’… I was the one with the financial stability, I was the one who incorporated the business, worked 24/7 getting the under structure of the business up and running.
Additionally, I was the only administrator and still maintained a huge sales volume.
I had to also acknowledge that the failure in my marriage was not solely my doing. It usually takes two to contribute to both success and failure in a relationship, yet initially I insisted on owning the whole ‘schmoz’.
What the heck….??
It did take work to re-build my self esteem…but by immersing myself in personal development, and self growth I was able to look back at the many choices… and chances I successfully made and took in the past.
I also had to work hard on self forgiveness and realize that although there were many things that I could have done differently, I have also done a great number of things right.
I had to look deep within my heart to determine who I was and what I was about and while I recognize that personal development and self growth is an ongoing process, there was just as much good in me as there was need for improvement.
After getting comfortable with myself, I then went on to launch my online business.
Now I realize that not everybody has this type of a background… but neither did I at the age of 13; I just seized opportunities and never gave negativity a thought.
I am also in tune with the fact that at that young age I hadn’t likely experienced many blows to my self confidence which may have helped to propel me forward to accomplish some of the things I did.
While some life experiences can be difficult to overcome, it doesn’t mean though that we have to hold ourselves back and give power to some of the blows that life delivers.
Instead we should choose to think positively, remain open, and while we all have room for improvement, we still should move forward and recognize we all have the same set of chances to redesign our lives.
Another fact that drives me crazy is often people will look at their pay cheques and base their self worth on their enumeration. This is not something a person should do! Just because a number on a piece of paper is lower than it should be… it has no connection with what it ‘ought’ to be or your self worth.
Now I think I’ve beaten the ‘negative’ side of self worth to death, so I thought I should also mention that I also know people who have quite a healthy outlook who just seem to have a built in high self esteem.
Often these people just step out and seize exciting opportunities in life and go on to do very well and this has every bit to do with how they view their own possibilities.
I believe that we all come in to this world with the same set of chances. God created each and every one of us with the same loving care. He did not design one model and think “this one’s going to be a winner” and then design another one and think “this ones’ going to be absolutely worthless – Ha ha ha” (sorry for the sarcasm)
My advice to you, if you have feelings of low self worth and self esteem you need to determine why.
You might find your roadblocks stem from something completely unrelated to success.
Your thoughts about yourself may be due to hurt feelings or something completely out of your control that stuck with you, or perhaps a mistake you made pertaining to something completely different.
It might even be something biological such as depression, a hormonal imbalance or low serotonin level that clouds your vision.
One of the best pieces of advice I can offer would be to lighten up and go easier on yourself.
If personal disappointment is the issue, then you must forgive yourself.
If hurt feeling dampened your moral, you must realize that likely was a result of the actions or opinion of one person, not the rest of the world… and holds no weight with regards to what you’re made of.
Stop your brain from blocking your success!
Start working on building your self confidence and work on personal development and make an effort to pay attention to the many things you do well… even if they are unrelated to your goals.
Success has everything to do with our inner thoughts and change always has to come from the inside before it produces results on the outside.
One last piece of advice (and this is powerful) is to ‘talk it out’ with someone. I have found this to be very helpful personally.
One day I was feeling particularly weakened and decided to share the medley of emotions that were weighing heavily on my mind with a couple of friends. One of my friends had known me for a long time, but the other person was a new acquaintance.
As I shared my feeling, my long time friend said “Jayne, you have accomplished a lot during our life both personally and professionally. You have a lot of love in your heart, valuable advice and sensible opinions. Although you may allow yourself to focus on past mistakes and disappointments, the way you see yourself is not the way the rest of the world sees you. You need to change the way you look at yourself as well as the thoughts you pay attention to and you will see a huge difference in morale.”
Our other friend who was present during my emotional breakdown said “you know, I would have never, ever guessed that you had those feelings. I have always seen you in a much different light and I am surprised you allow these tiny issues to override who you truly are”
This made me stop in my tracks and realize a different reality. I also thought about the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.
Since then I have felt like a whole new human and have been able to share insights with a handful of other people who have fought similar internal battles, even if I haven’t known them personally.
Sometimes hearing something from somebody else can give you a whole new insight, as often others see so much more than we often can see ourselves. It’s a great way to gain personal clarity.
The bottom line is, again as Dr. Wayne Dyer says (I love him):
“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being — not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money — but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.”
You have a lot of value whether you choose to identify it or not. You also have every possibility of achieving success. While it is true that none of us have any guarantees, you are definitely ‘worth’ the effort to start working towards happiness and creating the economy deserve.
If you need help squashing negative thoughts feel free to contact me.
An objective coaching session might be just the ticket to help you improve your thoughts on personal self worth and improve your confidence to help you reach the heights you are capable of.
How do you feel self worth has affected your success in life? (Positive and negative examples)
Leave me a comment below!