Self Worth and Success | Are You in Sync?

by Jayne Kopp on March 25, 2011

selt worth, low self worth, success

Were you aware that your feelings of self worth can greatly affect your success?

It’s strange, but true and if you stay with me through this post I’ll give you a few examples and suggestions that might prompt you do some re-evaluation.

When I think back over the years it’s amazing how many conversations I’ve had with people who are not happy with their current financial situation, yet just accept where they are with no intentions of working towards improvement.

I can always remember talking to a friend who worked very hard at her job. One day she called me and told me that she was very excited because she had applied for a promotion yet at the same time felt unsure as to whether she would be the successful candidate.

She prepared for her interview anyway and went through all the motions, but in the end she was not awarded the position.

Though she was disappointed, she told me that it was probably a “blessing in disguise” because it might have been “out of her league” anyway.

I felt really badly for her because I knew what she was made of, but she didn’t… and went on the work at her old job for years to come.

Another friend held a position at her workplace for a very long time and was absolutely outstanding and a true asset to the company.

One day, the manager hired another person to work alongside of my friend as the workload was such that it could support two people.

One day, the new girl went to lunch and left her pay check on her desk.

My friend, being human took a peak :-) and noticed that the new girl was earning considerably more than she was… yet she had been at this position for at least 8 years.

My friend was devastated and felt very demoralized. The part that broke my heart though was that she told me that she felt that she must be getting paid for what she was worth and wasn’t going to say anything.

I’m sure there are many people who have experienced this type of blow, but because they suffer from such low self worth, they sit back and just accept the way things are.

I talk to people occasionally who snoop around the internet dreaming of ways to earn a better income and to build a business online.

They see many opportunities to offer a better way of life, but never ever take the plunge to seriously work towards their ‘dreams’.

I always ask my potential partners what they currently do for a living and of course why they feel they might be interested in building their own business.

The responses often reflects their insecurity and a percentage of my contacts turn out to be tire kickers in the end, … not necessarily because they lack desire, it’s just that deep down inside, they don’t feel worthy or that they could succeed.

I have to admit; I too have dipped into the “low self worth doldrums” once or twice, but thankfully had a louder and more dominating positive inner voice that snapped me back to my senses.

I don’t know if I ever told you this before, but I have been an entrepreneur since I was 13. I know it sounds funny that a 13 years old could be an entrepreneur… but I was.

I went to an ‘own your own business’ seminar with my dad and purchased a little gold stamping press to print prestige business cards. It was a hot press that heated up metal dyes and when these dyes came into contact with a sheet of foil and then pressed against business card stock or a wedding napkin, the foil melted on the stock to form a gold or silver impression.

I did very well with this little business and was able to build it up. Later I went onto sell it and the profit became part of the down payment for my house.

Later when I met my husband, I had already owned my home for almost 10 years, which gave us a wonderful start. We then pooled our matching ambitions to start a successful business in the industrial equipment field.

Years later when our marriage went sideways, I decided to sell my shares in the family business that we built together and we divided our assets as I chose to stay at home to raise my children.

It wasn’t a happy time for sure… not for me anyway, but the part that really did a lot of damage to my self worth and confidence when my ex told me that I had always ridden on his shirt tails and had never contributed to the success of our business.

I don’t know why I didn’t just turn around and pop him one… I should have. :-) That statement really set me back emotionally for quite a while.

Additionally the knowledge that I / we had failed in marriage added many different emotions. I felt I had failed myself, my children, disappointed my family and basically in my own mind there was nothing worthy about me.

One day I thought to myself… “hey wait a minute’… I was the one with the financial stability, I was the one who incorporated the business, worked 24/7 getting the under structure of the business up and running.

Additionally, I was the only administrator and still maintained a huge sales volume.

I had to also acknowledge that the failure in my marriage was not solely my doing. It usually takes two to contribute to both success and failure in a relationship, yet initially I insisted on owning the whole ‘schmoz’.

What the heck….??

It did take work to re-build my self esteem…but by immersing myself in personal development, and self growth I was able to look back at the many choices… and chances I successfully made and took in the past.

I also had to work hard on self forgiveness and realize that although there were many things that I could have done differently, I have also done a great number of things right.

I had to look deep within my heart to determine who I was and what I was about and while I recognize that personal development and self growth is an ongoing process, there was just as much good in me as there was need for improvement.

After getting comfortable with myself, I then went on to launch my online business.

Now I realize that not everybody has this type of a background… but neither did I at the age of 13; I just seized opportunities and never gave negativity a thought.

I am also in tune with the fact that at that young age I hadn’t likely experienced many blows to my self confidence which may have helped to propel me forward to accomplish some of the things I did.

While some life experiences can be difficult to overcome, it doesn’t mean though that we have to hold ourselves back and give power to some of the blows that life delivers.

Instead we should choose to think positively, remain open, and while we all have room for improvement, we still should move forward and recognize we all have the same set of chances to redesign our lives.

Another fact that drives me crazy is often people will look at their pay cheques and base their self worth on their enumeration. This is not something a person should do! Just because a number on a piece of paper is lower than it should be… it has no connection with what it ‘ought’ to be or your self worth.

Now I think I’ve beaten the ‘negative’ side of self worth to death, so I thought I should also mention that I also know people who have quite a healthy outlook who just seem to have a built in high self esteem.

Often these people just step out and seize exciting opportunities in life and go on to do very well and this has every bit to do with how they view their own possibilities.

I believe that we all come in to this world with the same set of chances. God created each and every one of us with the same loving care. He did not design one model and think “this one’s going to be a winner” and then design another one and think “this ones’ going to be absolutely worthless – Ha ha ha” (sorry for the sarcasm) ;-)

My advice to you, if you have feelings of low self worth and self esteem you need to determine why.

You might find your roadblocks stem from something completely unrelated to success.

Your thoughts about yourself may be due to hurt feelings or something completely out of your control that stuck with you, or perhaps a mistake you made pertaining to something completely different.

It might even be something biological such as depression, a hormonal imbalance or low serotonin level that clouds your vision.

One of the best pieces of advice I can offer would be to lighten up and go easier on yourself.

If personal disappointment is the issue, then you must forgive yourself.

If hurt feeling dampened your moral, you must realize that likely was a result of the actions or opinion of one person, not the rest of the world… and holds no weight with regards to what you’re made of.

Stop your brain from blocking your success!

Start working on building your self confidence and work on personal development and make an effort to pay attention to the many things you do well… even if they are unrelated to your goals.

Success has everything to do with our inner thoughts and change always has to come from the inside before it produces results on the outside.

One last piece of advice (and this is powerful) is to ‘talk it out’ with someone. I have found this to be very helpful personally.

One day I was feeling particularly weakened and decided to share the medley of emotions that were weighing heavily on my mind with a couple of friends. One of my friends had known me for a long time, but the other person was a new acquaintance.

As I shared my feeling, my long time friend said “Jayne, you have accomplished a lot during our life both personally and professionally. You have a lot of love in your heart, valuable advice and sensible opinions. Although you may allow yourself to focus on past mistakes and disappointments, the way you see yourself is not the way the rest of the world sees you. You need to change the way you look at yourself as well as the thoughts you pay attention to and you will see a huge difference in morale.”

Our other friend who was present during my emotional breakdown said “you know, I would have never, ever guessed that you had those feelings. I have always seen you in a much different light and I am surprised you allow these tiny issues to override who you truly are”

This made me stop in my tracks and realize a different reality. I also thought about the words of Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

Since then I have felt like a whole new human and have been able to share insights with a handful of other people who have fought similar internal battles, even if I haven’t known them personally.

Sometimes hearing something from somebody else can give you a whole new insight, as often others see so much more than we often can see ourselves. It’s a great way to gain personal clarity.

The bottom line is, again as Dr. Wayne Dyer says (I love him): :-)

“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being — not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money — but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.”

You have a lot of value whether you choose to identify it or not. You also have every possibility of achieving success. While it is true that none of us have any guarantees, you are definitely ‘worth’ the effort to start working towards happiness and creating the economy deserve.

If you need help squashing negative thoughts feel free to contact me.

An objective coaching session might be just the ticket to help you improve your thoughts on personal self worth and improve your confidence to help you reach the heights you are capable of.

How do you feel self worth has affected your success in life? (Positive and negative examples)

Leave me a comment below!

{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Rowena April 28, 2011 at 3:39 am

Hi Jayne,

I’m glad that you shared your stories with us. That’s very inspiring and I just hope everyone can do that, me as well. It’s not that easy to get back and start again, and I am inspired with your stories.

Me either been through with real hard times and often get lost and now I am starting and I hope I can make it, like you do. Again, thank you and happy to found your site.

Have a wonderful day!

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Jørgen Sundgot April 18, 2011 at 6:30 am

Hello Jayne,

I must admit to having a fondness for stories such as your own – for most of us, it appears that adversity is in order to reveal inner strengths we didn’t even knew we possessed.

The best part of such journeys? They show that success isn’t a matter of external factors – it’s a matter of what matters… to yourself.

Keep up the good work and your excellent outlook on life – I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post.

/Jørgen

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Rowena Bolo April 11, 2011 at 1:13 am

Hi Jayne,

I’m glad to have found this through Blokube. I wasn’t aware that most of your recent posts are totally in sync with my ‘self-esteem’ post. First of all, this is not a ‘me’ post at all! You are sincerely inspiring more and more people, and this is most effective when you share your past experiences (hurts, struggles and victories).

I’ll take this to heart, Jayne – “One of the best pieces of advice I can offer would be to lighten up and go easier on yourself.” I certainly think that through our tribe, I now have the opportunity to surround myself with people who love personal development, and so following this great advice is now a lot easier for me. I can only imagine what my progress (probably none!) would’ve been if I’m still surrounded with people with the employee mindset and who do nothing but kill time and complain (well, most of my ex-colleagues have this profile hehe).

One last thing, I was thinking exactly what you said when you talked about your business with your ex – “I was the one with the financial stability, I was the one who incorporated the business, worked 24/7 getting the under structure of the business up and running.” You are awesome, Jayne. I love hearing about your victories! :-)

- Rowena

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Jym @ MLM Keywords March 29, 2011 at 6:23 am

Hi Jayne,

What an inspiring story! And a profound topic too. I tend to think that self-worth dictates what we get in life to a high degree, kind of an inner ‘value’ thermostat.

Life may offer us diamonds, but isn’t going to force them upon us if we hold on to the feelings that they’re not for us.

It’s not an easy thing to change, but it’s certainly worth the effort. We were all born worthy – it’s not something to be earned, or that can even be ‘un-earned’ – it’s our birthright!

Thanks for the inspiration Jayne, love the rant, and as Marcus suggests – rant more and make it a book!

Jym

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Heather C Stephens March 28, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Wow, wow…I’m blown away yet again by your message, Jayne.

I loved hearing the stories that you share here and I loved getting to know you better. What a powerful message you share and one that we can all benefit from.

We’re always our worst critics, aren’t we? I know that there are so many things I’m harder on myself about than I should be. But yet, there are things I do well and know it.

My journey to find my self worth has been a long one, not because of any defining moment or memory. A lot of my struggles are centered around my weight. It’s the one thing in my life that I haven’t been able to conquer and the one area where I feel like I repeatedly fail myself.

I know that I need to work through that mindset before I’m able to change it, and I love the quote about changing the way I look at things.

I’m so moved by your post. Thank you for shifting my day!

Heather

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Jayne Kopp March 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Hi Heather… I am so pleased you enjoyed the post. In fact… I’m almost speechless and that doesn’t happen often! I have been thinking and coincidentally reading… and even talking about this with people this week and I’m actually tempted to do a similar post. Its funny when things just kind of rest on your heart and you seem to be on a roll with certain thoughts.

We are SO hard on ourselves. Often it is due to something that happened or even the way we are raised. As you say, it can also be self esteem.

BTW I think you look lovely just the way you are and wouldn’t change a thing.

I know, I know…. its about you YOU feel… but as my friend said to me regarding the way I felt, she would have never guessed I felt that way… and others would never see anything wrong with you or even understand why you feel bugged by weight.

I guess we all have something to deal with in life. I also know we all know that in relation to others, we have it pretty good regardless of what bugs us, don’t we?

Heather I am so pleased you enjoyed the post. To be honest, I felt a little self conscious once I posted it as it was just one of those easy to write … rambling kind of posts, but when I looked back, I was hoping it didn’t seem pretentious. It seems that perhaps it was encouraging as I had hoped.

Thanks so much!

Jayne

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Stacy March 28, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Hi Jayne,

It’s great to get to know even more thought this post! I love it when bloggers open up and get personal, it really makes the most more inspiring and powerful!

It’s amazing how we can feel down on ourselves because of something that someone else has told us about ourselves. Regardless of how true the statement is or not. I’ve been there many times and it can take a while to get out of it. It has been said that it takes 4 positive comments to make up for one negative. That’s really something!

That tells me that it is extra important to make sure that we have our self worth and success in sync.

Thanks for sharing!
Stacy

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Jayne Kopp March 28, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Hi Stacy, Thanks so much for leaving such a nice comment. I am so pleased you enjoyed it.

Urrrggh … yes we humans can be so self destructive. I am so pleased that we are into personal development. I think that sensitive people need this… in fact we all do, but it seems that ‘we’ take things to heart and need to work on trashing hurtful comments.

I am so much better now though at recognizing strengths rather than weaknesses. I just understand that as humans we are imperfect… so it’s our job to do the best we can and to heck with what people say. We know our heart, talents and strengths so that has to be all that counts!

Thanks again!

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Erin Smith March 28, 2011 at 8:46 am

Hi Jayne,

I think it’s great that you share such personal stories and analogies… it really lets the reader into your life and get to know ya!

It’s definitely true that when our self-esteem is low, we’re much less likely to shoot for the stars and fight for what we want in life. Thanks for the inspiring post!

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Jayne Kopp March 28, 2011 at 8:02 pm

HI Erin, how lovely to meet you! You’re looking kinda green and spider like! (joking… talking about the gravatar!)

Thanks so much for stopping by and I am so pleased you didn’t mind my rant. You know, I like to learn about people frankly, but often feel a bit funny because of our industry… we always try to make it about the other person…

I just think though that building relationships is about letting people see through a window to your soul sometimes and its nice to share personal experiences.

Self esteem is a biggy… regardless of career. If we don’t feel self worth, its hard to get the motor running!

thanks for leaving such a nice comment.

Jayne

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Marcus Baker March 27, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Hi Jayne,

Don’t ever apologize for ranting on… you do it so well, seriously :) Yes turn it into an E-Book or similar…

An entrepreneur at 13! Why am I not surprised!

Worthiness or the lack thereof is I believe the chief reason for people not achieving all that they are capable of.

What I liked about your story was how when you were feeling unworthy you remembered back to a time when you felt much better. On processing this, you then realized it was actually a bogus thought and were able to reject it and re-focus. Awesome.

I really do believe as Wayne Dyer says, that we are all worthy just as we are, it’s just that sometimes we forget. So lets remind ourselves whenever we can. :)

If only everybody could catch themselves and think back to a time when they did feel better like you did, then that unworthy nonsense wouldn’t stand a chance.

I have always been a self talker… so I have been telling myself since I was a kid, all day long…. that “I am wonderful and I can do anything…. ”

So now when any feeling of unworthiness comes up for me, my sub conscious automatically slips into recovery mode.. “That’s bogus and you know it is because you are wonderful and can do anything.”

I often find myself laughing at the ‘arrogance” of my sub conscious but rather this way than the other, what say you? And it has got me out of some very sticky situations in life too. :)

~Marcus

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Hi Marcus… how is it you can always make my day?

I have said this a couple of times below… and that is I felt kind of funny after I posted it and re-read it because I was worried that I sounded too much into “myself”… when really I was trying to get the message across that if I can pull myself up… anybody can.

The self talk is very helpful because it forces you to look at what you are made of and the things that you have accomplished.

I don’t think you are arrogant at all for thinking how wonderful you are. I think you are too! :-)

In order to live a fulfilled life, I feel we have to be comfortable with ourselves. If we don’t feel worthy, then nobody else will see our value either – and I truly believe that everyone has something to share that will help other people in the same boat.

We have a pretty fast paced world these days and we need to continue with personal development and self growth in order to come out somewhere near the top.

I think we have had this conversation before how it’s always an on going process… and it’s very personal.

I can’t say I still don’t have the odd day when I feel a little less than pristine, but not like I did there for a while. My reminders are very helpful as are yours… and I think it not only help us but it shows and we can help others do the same.

Feeling sad or down is no fun and as we have both acknowledged, life is too blinking short so by starting on ourselves we become better at helping others.

Thanks Marcus for stopping by. I will think on that ebook…. how to present it that is. :-)

See you soon!

Jayne

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Josh Garcia March 27, 2011 at 9:35 pm

Hey Jayne,

I agree with Jane! You should make this into a series and then offering it as an opt-in. Individuals need to hear about fail and victory stories. Thanks for sharing!

Have a great day…
Josh

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm

HI Josh, thanks so much for your comment.

I suppose I will have to try to determine how to present this… I really didn’t want to go on and on…. and on a bit more about ‘me’ but I am the best example I know with regards to feeling down on myself. Although I included a couple of friends experiences, after I posted it, I was hoping it didn’t seem too ‘selfish’….

I will have to think about this and take your advice… as well as the suggestions from my other friends!

Thanks Josh, I look forward to seeing you soon!

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Hi Niclas, it’s nice that it is sunny over there… we have seen quite a lot of rain lately… I am really looking forward for the heat and brightness to show up!

Memories are very important to hold onto, particularly if you are feeling down… its nice to recall some ‘ups’ we’ve experienced. It helps build us back up again!

Thanks you for coming over. See you soon!

Jayne

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Jane | Find All Answers March 26, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Hi Jayne,

Surely an inspiring piece of post. This post deserves to be made into a series. You can break it up. Also this inspiring post can be offered for a free download to encourage subscriptions.

PS: Jane and Jayne; I hope that we don’t confuse people around, especially the ones in the tribe! :)

Cheers,
Jane.

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Hi Jane, thanks for the nice comment. Do you really think it would be worthy for a download? I am well aware that I went on a bit… I was just feeling a bit chatty! But I am not sure how it would hook people to be honest.

I have just thought so much about this issue for so long that things just kept popping into my mind… and off I went.

I think we will be find ‘tribe wise’ LOL… its funny though how you go to type your name… and automatically spell it a certain way.

Hope you are enjoying the weekend! Thanks for your nice comment.

Jayne

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Jeanine March 26, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Good for you for resurrecting your own self-esteem and using your experiences to help others who may have low self-esteem! Good post.

You could turn this into a 2 or 3 part series. Add titles to a couple of sections, delete part of this post and have your next couple of posts written. I have done that, anyway, when I realize how much I have written and how much I could do with it.

It also could become a special report you give to prospects or new recruits!

Jeanine

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Thanks Jeanine for your nice comment. I know I ran on… and on… (LOL) and I thought at the end: Hmmm… this is long… maybe I should break it up….

then I thought… Hmmm I hope it doesn’t sound like I am too much into “ME”…

(I hope it didn’t… because I sure gave enough personal analogies).

I am just not sure how I would use it for a report though… ie: how to sort of make a ‘hook’….

I do know people need to hear things like this… but I guess I just have to try to figure out how to hit the right nerve with the right people.

Any suggestions welcome!! (LOL)

Thanks Jeanine…

btw… congrats on reaching your 70th post…(I think you did… didn’t you?)

Talk to you soon!

Jayne

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Janet @ The Natural Networker March 26, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Jayne, aloha. Congratulations for recognizing your worth/your accomplishments and for once more becoming YOU.

Years ago, a very successful businessman said something that has stayed with me ever since. What he said is, things are going to happen in your life that will bring you down/make you sad. You can stay there until something outside of you happens that lifts you up/makes you happy again or you can choose, right now, to lift yourself. Sooner or later, you will be happy again/you will feel good again, so why not start now?

Of, as Jim Rohn said: “For things to change, you have to change.”

Jayne, what a terrific job you have done in reclaiming who you are–that 13 year old entrepreneur with the patina of experience. The fact that your “new” friend holds you in such a different light, speaks volume.

Enjoy the glorious life you have created and have a splendid weekend. Aloha. janet

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 7:01 pm

HI Janet thanks so much for your uplifting comment.

You know.. we all have to make the decision don’t we. We can either tough it out and stretch the healing process or try to get it dealt with.

Thanks for your kind words too regarding my past (ups and downs)… I hope this didn’t sound too much like I was into the almighty ‘me’… I didn’t intend it to be that way)….

its just so many people need to hear different analogies and examples to let them know they are ‘normal’ and how many of us feel down on ourselves occasionally… but we don’t see it happening in others.

Hope you have (or are having) a wonderful weekend. See you soon!

Jayne

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Jon March 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Good for you being so financially responsible from a young age. It’s sad what happened with the business and your marriage but I’m glad you’ve come around and stopped beating yourself up for things outside of your control.

We need to let go lightly of the things that nag at us like that. Just learn from them and move forward. Easier said than done right? But if we don’t work on self-forgiveness and personal development then we stagnate (not ideal).

It’s great that you pointed out our self worth and value should not come from extrinsic factors; we need to love ourselves first :)

Thanks!

Jon

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Jayne Kopp March 27, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Hi Jon, Thanks for taking time to comment.

You are right, it sucks sometimes (lol) to go through things and it is much easier to to talk about ‘moving forward’ than it is to do it.

I think to be honest it is always a work in progress…. you have to sometimes battle with feeling at peace and from what I am told it can take years before you have nothing more than a scar.

What I do know is you can speed up the process by making friends with yourself… then the other stuff doesn’t seem quite so bad.

Thanks again Jon. I loved Wayne Dyers quote at the end. It speaks volumes!

See you soon!

Jayne

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Niclas Johansson March 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm

Hi Jayne,

Thanks for the inspiring read! The story of you as a 13-year old entrepreneur is a very empowering one, and one that I can see would be a huge asset for your sense of self worth. And the Wayne Dyer quotes are spot on!

I’ve been wrestling with this myself. I guess everyone has “baggage” – but at the same time we also have resources in the shape of memories of successful choices and endeavors we’ve made in the past. We become what we focus on, right?

Thanks again, and enjoy the weekend! Chilly cheers from a mostly sunny Saturday Sweden!

/Niclas J

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