Forgiving others is one of the best things you can do, not only for them, but also for yourself.
You see, when you refuse to forgive others, you re actually hurting yourself the most. In fact it can and will eventually make you sick due to all the tension and stress you carry around daily.
Additionally, your attitude is often also affected and this can often be picked up by others around you as bitterness can speak volumes by the way you act, treat, and say.
Within the family unit refusing to forgive is particularly damaging. Small spats can turn into huge outrage and create unnecessary angst. Its particularly damaging to have a collection of tiffs that are being held onto by either party that each are going to have to re live every time there’s a wrong word
If you don’t exercise the power of forgiveness in front of your children, they are more likely to grow up with the same unforgiving habits as you. This often can even cause strife between siblings and other family members to turn into disagreements that can go on for years.
My Experience with Forgiveness.
I have to admit, I am pretty good at forgiving others. I rarely hold a grudge though I have had instances in my life where my nose has been out of joint for a while, but I have found the energy that goes into holding grudges is far too exhausting.
I feel better just accepting that we all make mistakes and I would much rather deal with my feelings by not taking things too seriously.
I have to admit however, that I am not sure how I’d be if someone hurt my kids though. I know some people can forgive the unforgivable and have to admire their strength in doing so.
As far as my current situation, I am currently unforgiven. As some of you know, I am divorced and in my humble opinion, due to mistakes on both sides of the coin. I have forgiven my ex husband, but he is so bitter that it not only tears me apart… but likely him too.
This has caused three hauls through the court system simply because he cannot abide to go with the flow and adhere to a legal contract we spent time, energy and money on to draw up in order to avoid what we have suffered.
His unforgiving streak has taken over his common sense and cost both of us thousands upon thousands of dollars and has proven that he is so bound by the bitterness that he can’t even see that these actions are clearly not in the best interest of the children.
It’s a real shame, and although it really hurts me even today, in the past has been very difficult to bear due to the distortion of the situation in his mind. Due to our difference in handling this situation, I do believe that I don’t hurt as much as I am sure he must inside.
I can only pray that a miracle will clear the fog for him as I certainly would like to see him be free and happy.
Steps to practicing the power of forgiveness:
Learning how to forgive others isn’t always easy. I think it’s particularly more difficult if you have a stubborn or proud nature.
The first step in learning the power of forgiveness is to put stubbornness aside.
Secondly, I think it is a very good idea to summarize what that person meant to you before the disagreement and the value they added to your life.
Third, pay close attention to the way you feel when you think of them. If you can feel that knot in your stomach or your adrenaline starts to rush, common sense has to prevail that you are not doing your health one scrap of good.
You simply have to ask yourself… is it worth it or is life too short?
Think about the possible reasons the person acted as they did. Were there personal issues or other problems that may cause them not to think straight?
Could their actions or words against you been in error, (a genuine mistake) or was it a complete and utter temporary lapse in judgment?
Was there something you did that may have caused their action?
Sometimes is not possible to come up with reasons why, therefore one must balance the benefits of simply forgiving and releasing the heavy burden… against carrying it and feeling the continual restriction around your rib cage.
Forgiving does not always take place instantly either. You first must decide; plan to forgive the person and then be prepared to work on it.
Visualizing the benefits and the way both you and the offending party would feel sometimes adds motivation to do what it takes. Besides, let’s face it, most people do not like remaining unforgiven.
You might have to spend much time working towards this, and even re-affirming your intent to do so a few times daily.
After a while it does become easier and once you have conquered the challenge you will notice how much better and relaxed you feel.
It can help you let go of tension and stress and free the soul so as not to become ill, drive yourself potty, and instead move forward to better enjoy life and keep it simple.
Always try to be the bigger person if possible and take time out to analyze fairly.
You will find that learning how to forgive others truly will lift a very heavy load from both your shoulders and your conscience, not to mention free the other person from the probable stress of knowing how you feel.
If you need help getting your head around practicing forgiveness, contact me. It’s something I know a LOT about!
Have you had experiences similar to mine? How has forgiving others helped you if so?