Why is it that it’s very difficult to forgive yourself yet often we forgive others with much less effort?
Furthermore, why is it that we beat ourselves up for making mistakes, yet will be the first one to tell someone else that everybody makes them and to “let it go”?
Naturally, I don’t know if you have ever been in the position where you have battled to forgive yourself about anything or not, but I can tell you I have and it ‘aint’ easy!
I spent a good couple of years curled up like a fetus feeling so badly because I felt that I was the main contributor in a huge way to cause my divorce.
What’s worse, is that when I finally got my head around the fact that it takes two to tangle… despite hearing this and having the support of countless friends and family, I then shifted the reason for self loath to the fact that I wished I tried harder to salvage things. (I wouldn’t let myself win!)
Battling with self forgiveness is very painful.
I am not sure if it’s because we set such high standards for ourselves, and find it difficult to deal with personal disappointment, or what the scoop is, but what I can tell you is that if you are suffering in the same way I did, you simply have got to get a grip!
Think about it for a moment: Rarely would we hold someone to such a high degree of perfectionism, so why do we torture ourselves?
All I can say is if you are battling with personal disappointment and can’t seem to let go of it, you need to make it a priority in order to enjoy your life effective immediately!
I realize you might feel it’s easier said than done. I know I’m not living inside your mind, but believe me… I know!
You must realize that you are doing nothing more than locking yourself in a private jail cell carrying your shortfalls around like a ball and chain.
If you are unable to forgive yourself, you are only harming yourself by damaging your health, both mentally and physically.
There is a heck of a chance you are listening to mind chatter, day in, day out which in turn causes immense stress that can lead to further illness.
I found that I allowed myself to beat myself to a pulp so often that I literally was in a state of depression!
I will to admit that I’m an overly sensitive soft “apeth” anyway… or “as soft a boiled turnip” as my mother will say. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having a heart but there does come time where one simply has to toughen up.
Making yourself sick doesn’t do you any good, not to mention anybody else in your life.
For me, I had my children to look after and certainly didn’t want them to know how I felt, or worse have memories of their mother being unhappy when they looked back on their childhood.
If you truly want to make the best of this short stint on earth, then forgiving yourself must be made a priority.
So how do you forgive yourself then?
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First and very importantly you have to realize the past is the past and no amount of wallowing is going to change that. (As much as you may wish you could re-wind andlive life over)
Whatever you ‘did’ that bothers you so much likely feels much worse to you than it does anyone else.
The human mind is a cruel tool sometimes… (It can be awesome other times) but if not kept in check it seems to magnify the severity of personal shortfalls.
Realize that you are human. Humans make mistakes. It’s just part of the journey through life. If God can forgive us, then surely we must learn to forgive ourselves.
I feel that we should indeed ‘own’ or take responsibility for our mistake(s), but more importantly we should look at it/them as lessons and then make a commitment to learn from it/them and finally release the burden.
Reassure yourself that it’s ok to have felt anger and sorrow toward your actions, and I do believe you must face it, but you then must simmer down just the same way you likely would if somebody else was the perpetrator.
Be kind to yourself and concentrate on your good points. I feel this is an imperative part of self forgiveness and we need to address our positives to re-train our brains after letting our minds develop such negative habits of self remorse.
If you are loathing yourself and give credit to the thoughts or negativities of another person, realize it is impossible to live your life in accordance with the expectations or opinions of someone else. Instead you must realize you must live solely for your own purposes.
I can tell you from first hand experience that if you spend all your time living in the past and spending your energy wasting your life on things you cannot change, not only are you not living in the present, but you are making it impossible to move forward as well and life is much too short. (As I’ve also realized).
Whatever it takes, whether it’s spending time with your maker, getting the help of a councillor, you really must find a way to free yourself. Reliving your destructing thoughts and putting yourself through “it” is nothing but self torture and will serve no good purpose.
Remember you don’t need forgiveness for being YOU… so ensure you channel the forgiveness at what you did not who you are. A shortfall or personal disappointment does not erase your self worth.
Make a physical note of any ideas that might help you alleviate your self sabotage. For example: Is there anything you might be able to do that would help make things right?
Could you apologize to someone?
Admittedly, this would not always work in every situation and to be honest, I feel that this is what killed me personally. I was never given the opportunity to sit down and communicate.
My ex would never, and will never give me the opportunity to talk things through. It’s very difficult when this is the case and that is why it is so important to adopt as many alternate suggestions as possible.
Something to keep in mind too is not to associate with people who enjoy talking about your past or throwing sand in your face. If there are others associated with the time in your life that you are battling with, I would suggest distancing myself if I were you.
Of course there are some who might be very supportive, but then there are others who enjoy dwelling on negatives.
Surround yourself in positive energy and support systems.
Take on a hobby in order to treat yourself to some personal pleasure. If you find something you enjoy that is personally rewarding, it will often keep your mind occupied, not to mention it might be quite fulfilling when you see progress or a finished product.
To be honest, this is one of the main reasons I became involved in personal development and building my business in this industry online. It worked wonders for me and that is one of the main reasons I am so passionate about sharing my own experiences.
I hope this post might offer at least a few suggestions to help you if you are struggling with forgiving yourself.
It’s so important to realize that life is full of wonderful possibilities; it would be a shame to miss out of the blessings and opportunities in life that await you.
You must recognize that is truly is impossible to be present and live in the moment, not to mention move forward and enjoy life if your own inability to forgive yourself has you stuck firmly in the past.
You really to need to realize that happiness is a choice that you must make and to succeed you need to forgive yourself. If you need any assistance whatsoever, please feel free to contact me at any time.