How to Take Control of Life Instead of Life Controlling YOU!

by Jayne Kopp on April 23, 2011



Learning to take control of life is not always easy, but with that said, it’s not really not all too difficult either; you just have to want to … badly enough! :-)

The thing is, feeling over worked and over stressed has a way of blurring vision. Couple that with unhealthy relationships and bad habits… or should I say repetitive behavior patterns, you begin to feel trapped in a place from where you can see no escape!

With so many things getting ‘on top of you,’ you start to wonder if it’s possible to break free, or where to start.

I know, I’ve been there, done that… ;-) so I thought I’d share a few suggestions to see if I can’t help shake you loose!

Here are a few pointers that might help simplify things to help you take control of life:

1) Take Responsibility!

Realize how imperative it is that you take responsibility for everything in life.

I firmly believe that everything you have, or wherever you are in life… is a direct result of what you have done this far. (Right, wrong, good or bad!)

(I’m not talking about losing loved ones in this post… that’s not what I’m meaning here)

For example: if you are not happy with your financial situation, ask yourself what can YOU do to improve it.

Could you start a business or at very least have a side business?

Could you perhaps look for another career?

What can YOU do to improve it?

Determine what the ideal situation would be and what you might be able to do about it. Then realize that you can indeed achieve whatever you want if you are willing to take action and work toward it.

2) Look after yourself. If you feel run down or stressed-out you are causing damage to your health whether you know it or not.

If you’re not healthy or don’t feel well, you are certainly not doing yourself any favours, not to mention your family or anybody else for whom you might be responsible.

Make sure you get enough sleep for one. A tired mind is almost always a negative mind. It’s very difficult to feel positive if you’re always worn out. (Take it from one who knows!) ;-)

Eat healthy, the way you fuel your body has a direct affect on your energy level. Anything you wish to achieve or change is going to be more difficult if you don’t have the energy to follow through.

Drink lots of water. This is a biggy… (as much as I hate to say it). I’m not a huge fan of drinking water, but I’ll tell you one thing: Downing a few glasses of water per day sure can perk you up.
Water can have the same effect on you as it can on a wilted bouquet! :-)

3) Set Goals!

One of the best ways of making progress in order to take control of life is to set goals.

Then, once you’ve set some…don’t stop there! :-)

Set Goals and mean it… then take action towards achieving them.

I find that the hardest part of goal setting is sitting still long enough to spend quiet time thinking. I find taking some time in solitude to clearly ponder and focus is essential for creating a plan of attack and is, in my humble opinion the foundation of effective goal planning.

Once you have determined what you wish to achieve, break the task(s) down into small achievable steps to avoid overwhelm.

Don’t ever think or assume any goal or dream is too ‘big’! just remember as Napoleon Hill said: “Whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve.”

4) Improve your confidence.

Improving confidence is Huge. With no confidence, it’s pretty difficult to believe in your personal power.

With no personal power, it’s doubtful you’ll muster the motivation to achieve the above mentioned goals.

One of my favourite ways of maintaining confidence is to remember that if others can accomplish great things, so can I.

While you are working towards taking control of life, start to act “as if”… in other words, spend a lot of time visualizing and taking steps to reach what you are seeing in your minds eye.

Then act ‘as if’ you’re already where you want to be!

Be unsinkable… even if at first the achievement is only in your mind! Before too long you will live in complete confidence, and this new way of thinking will become a newly set positive habit and eventually a way of life.

Not to mention if you follow the other suggestions above you’ll have the energy to bring you closer to achieving all of your goals, and taking control of life.

5) Sever Unhealthy relationships.

This sounds negative, I will admit… but it really isn’t. Not only is it sensible, it’s a must do step in order to follow through on your new journey.

If you have friends or acquaintances that have a way of distracting you and pulling you away from your focus, it won’t do you a scrap of good.

Besides unhealthy relationships are negative and will do nothing more than suck your positive energy out of you and squash your motivation.

If you choose to keep company with people who are not supportive, not only will it bring you down and distract you, they have a way of holding you back… then they’ll be controlling you instead! ;-)

Have the will power and determination to follow the above suggestions.

It’s not always easy at first, but it will become easier. Once you start to see a shift, you will start to feel much better.. and that’s where things really get good! :-)

In closing, always remember that the world is your oyster and you have the power to change or accomplish anything you wish.

You are the only one on the planet who can take control of your life, if you won’t, nobody else can do it for you so it’s you who will have to step up to the plate!

If you would like the help of accountability partner to reach your goals or make some life changes, feel free to contact me at any time to roll around a few fresh ideas.

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Peppy | The PeppyWrites Chronicles May 4, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Hello Jayne,

I was reading Stacy’s blog with her wonderful intro about you and your blog so I hurried over to “meet” you.

I enjoyed your points in this post – especially your points on the need for taking responsibility and the point regarding ending relationships that are negative, draining, and just unhealthy in its affect on us.

I know I will be visiting often!



Jayne Kopp May 5, 2011 at 10:29 am

Peppy, I am so honored to have you over at ‘my place’ it is truly a blessing to ‘meet’ you too.

How lovely is Stacy?

I was over at your blog a few moments ago, but cannot seem to get my comment to stick on your about page.

I have left the tab open incase there might be something for you to fix. I keep hitting the ‘submit’ button but nothing happens.

Peppy, You are in incredible human. Please know how much I appreciate your taking the time to meet me.

Lets keep in touch. I will return to your blog a little later to see if I can get my comment to go through.

Best regards



Timo Kiander May 3, 2011 at 11:32 am


Great advice here :)

I think that taking responsibility is a biggie. Some years ago, I didn’t understand what it means, but now I understand that point so clearly. I need to take action in order to improve my situation.

The most typical scenario where I run into this, is when people complain about their jobs. Rather than taking any action, they just complain. Instead, taking responsibility and doing something about the current situation, things would be so different and much better.


Jayne Kopp May 4, 2011 at 11:11 am

Hi Timo, I’ve been thinking about you! LOL funny you appeared. Will pop over your way later and see how the blogging is going. I thoroughly appreciated being in your roundup!

Is it not the BEST light bulb moment when the penny drops and everything becomes clear. When we finally realize that if we don’t like something we need to change it?

I have never been much of a complainer but I sure know many who are. (YIKES). It often has make me wonder why some people would rather ‘dwell’ rather than ‘fix’.

Lovely to see you,

Thanks for your thoughtful comment.



Timo Kiander May 5, 2011 at 12:15 pm


It was great to have you on that roundup :)

I guess you already left an comment to my post, thank you for that :)



Marcus Baker May 2, 2011 at 6:31 am

Hi Jayne,

I love all of the advice you covered here. :)

If I was to find one umbrella pointer it would be to love ourselves.

When we truly learn to love ourselves then we will value ourselves enough to care in all the ways you suggest.

It’s not always easy, especially the the taking full responsibility one but how empowering it is to realize that we actually have the power to be in full control.

Thanks or reminding us how to love ourselves more. :)



Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:26 am

Hi Marcus, I have to agree. When we take responsibility for things, good or bad, its all about accepting and loving ourselves for who we are.

In my case, I have made my share of mistakes, but I am glad I did some soul searching and realized that in the grand scheme of life, I am a decent person… certainly none of us are perfect. I choose to look upon things as opportunities for improvement.

Sometimes it’s a big pill to swallow, but in the end, I realize I am conformable and love myself for the good things that far outweigh the bad things.

I do believe that in general, most of us are decent humans and deserve to do the same. It just takes longer for the penny to drop with some of us than others.

thanks Marcus, I always love seeing your smiling face. It seems you are never off the phone!! LOL



Jym @ Attraction Marketing May 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Brilliant post Jayne!

There’s such good advice in here… implementing all the things you’ve listed will really change lives.

I’m pretty good on some levels, but miss some of the basics (tut tut…)
Drinking plenty of water and getting enough sleep are certainly weak points, and I know that they both make a difference to your effectiveness.

Severing unhealthy relationships can be a tricky one, especially when they’re well established, or even harder – family members (ouch!). I’m sure some tips on this fort of thing would be valuable if you have any!

As we evolve, not everyone evolves with us – some relationships simply keep us anchored in our past, and can really block our growth if we don’t put them in the right place…

Thanks Jayne, I appreciate the help you’ve laid out here!
All the best,


Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:30 am

Well said Jym in all of the points you make.

I am terrible when if comes to getting to bed early, but have improved tremendously these last few weeks.

Water… hmmm… no keen on it to be honest, but funnily, I force myself and even yesterday (Sunday) I was so lagging in the afternoon, so I consciously drank a couple of large glasses of fresh water… WOW… the difference within about 15 minutes as astonishing. I got the bounce back and the foggy feeling lifted.

Some relationships are definitely tough to sever for sure, but if you start just distancing yourself bit by bit, that helps.

lovely to see you as always Jym.

thanks so much for stopping by.


Janet @ The Natural Networker April 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Jayne, aloha. Terrific post on such an important topic. If people don’t gain control of their lives, they will never live the lives they want.

To me, Jayne, #1 on the list is knowing you are 100% responsible for what happens in your life. You choose by what you do; you choose by what you don’t do; you choose by your reactions to situations. Once you accept that responsibility, I believe you are freed to become all that you can be.

Drinking what is so easy to do, that’s it’s easy not to do. The brain is about 75% water. Just as they body needs to be hydrated, so does the brain. If you are sitting, staring at the computer and your mind is either blank or fuzzy, take a few sips of water and you will be amazed at what happens. Those neurons and synapses will fire, connect and, immediately, you will start thinking better.

Severing unhealthy relationships is vital to success. Our subconscious registers everything we hear and processes it as “real” even if we do not believe it to be so. Negative people “poison” a person’s mind. Being around negative or toxic people is as dangerous as is standing in a toxic waste dump unprotected.

Jayne, if people follow your wise advice they will be well on their way to gaining control of their lives.

Best wishes for a terrific weekend. Aloha. Janet


Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:32 am

Hi Janet, thanks so much for your comment. YOu are so right about water. is it not amazing?

Severing unhealthy relationships is like getting rid of a boat anchor. It sounds a little cold, but really it’s the best thing we can do for ourselves.

I think that putting these few steps into practice really does make a different, but at the same time it does take effort.

Thanks so much Janet for stopping by. You always add so much to a post.




Lou April 30, 2011 at 3:27 am

Hi Jayne,

Do your best and let God do the rest…
At my age, control and goals aren’t a big part of my thinking. “Les jours sont fait”…but I think the things you mentioned were a part of some of my younger years, although I never drank water all day long. :)

Lou Barba


Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:34 am

LOL Lou, I agree that letting our faith lead us, but I also feel we were given choice for a reason.

We humans are funny little critters and often have to get a grip.

I enjoy working towards my goals very much and feel truly blessed to be able to do so.

I don’t drink water all day long, as much as I would love to say I did, but when I ensure I get my suggested 8 plus glasses per day, it sure makes a difference to my function! :-)

lovely to see you.



Jon April 29, 2011 at 9:44 pm


You included drinking water! I’m a huge fan of this and can’t stress enough how great it feels to be properly hydrated. You do perk up, you don’t have the aches and pains everywhere, and you don’t injure as easily if you’re a gym-goer.

Lack of sleep seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately so I have to give this attention soon. Thanks for the reminder here, I WILL be sleeping in today/tomorrow :)

Severing unhealthy relationships: check! I did this at the turn of the year and haven’t looked back since. You’re absolutely right about unhealthy relationships tapping your positive energy. Cut them off and free yourself!



Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:37 am

Hi Jon, I am glad you agree with the water trick! Is it not amazing how it makes such a difference?

Sleep… oh yea… I understand. I wish we were built to just keep going, but alas, we do need rest and since implementing a more strict discipline of getting to bed earlier… I have felt much better. I guess this is a battle we can’t win when we burn the candle at both ends as I have done for most of my life.

the relationship thing… Yip… its hard to do sometimes but it makes the world of difference. I always say that life is way too short and my time is much too valuable to have someone suck my energy.

Hope you enjoyed you sleep in!



Susanna Hess April 29, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Hi Jayne,

You’re tips here are so good. It’s tough when you feel life is out of control, but taking a step back and assessing the situation is really helpful.

You’re tips can be very effective in getting a handle on certain aspects.

Great post!


Jayne Kopp May 2, 2011 at 10:40 am

I Susanna, yes taking quiet time to analyze what we need to address is paramount in knowing what to focus on. The tips here help us focus better and with a clearer perspective.

The relationship thingy, though tough really helps remove anchors that keep us pinned down.

lovely to see you!


Jane | Blogging Tips April 28, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Hi Jayne,

Wise tips. You have covered all important aspects of life (in different categories) that take control of our lives.

Two favorites of mine that work for me are

1. drinking lots of water. Ya I drink like anything. I always have a refillable bottle on my desk – can’t work without it. It feels great to drink water, refreshes mind and body.

2. sever unhealthy relationships – I do it once in a while :)

Thanks for the wonderful post.



Jayne Kopp April 29, 2011 at 9:09 am

Hi Jane, Thanks so much for your comment. I have started recently keeping a very large 1-liter glass on my desk. Isn’t it amazing how refreshed you feel? I’m not huge on drinking water… I like my coffee in the morning and tea in the afternoon… so fitting water in is something I have to really make an effort to do. It sure prevents the 2pm lagging.

Severing unhealthy relationships is something I started years ago. It’s not easy and you don’t have to be ‘mean’… just keeping distance seems to work well.

Thanks again



Jeanine Byers Hoag @DressingMyTruth April 28, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Great post, Jayne! But boy, how did you manage to put so many reminders I needed to hear in just one post? :)

I relate to not getting enough sleep, water or healthiness in my lifestyle, to stress and some of the other things you mentioned. I have been setting goals, though, and that by itself, has been powerful!

I will work on the other stuff!


Jayne Kopp April 29, 2011 at 9:12 am

HI Jeanine, you are an incredible goal keeper. It’s very difficult to do everything. I am amazed at your focus, especially in the ‘dressing department’… I did notice though that you maintain a number of other blogs. You blow me away. Imagine how much more you could fit into your day if you got more sleep and drank more water! Good grief you’d be down to one piece of clothing per month… with 1 accessory! LOL…

Maybe we’d see you parading around in your bra and undies!



Oliver Tausend April 28, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Hi Jayne,

a great post. The first step of controlling our life is the decision that we can control it and that we do control it. Period.

How many people are saying:”That’s beyond my control.” Or:”You know, the circumstances…”

We might not be able to control the circumstances, but we can certainly control our reaction to them, our response. That gets us to the concept you mention: Responsibility.

Thanks for sharing your insights.

Take care



Jayne Kopp April 29, 2011 at 9:13 am

Hi Oliver, I agree, far too many people say they ‘have no control’ … in my opinion it is a cop-out for sure.

You are also correct when you say it starts with a decision. It’s amazing what you can control when you commit to doing so!

Thanks as always Oliver for stopping by.



David April 26, 2011 at 1:50 am

Thanks a lot for this words they are true. I might have enough rest but I just discovered that other areas of my life really need ‘checkups’ if I want to acheive great things. Thanks.


Jayne Kopp April 27, 2011 at 10:30 am

Hi David, thanks for stopping by. I think we all need check-ups continuously in order to achieve great things. You are not alone my friend! Personal Growth is a never ending journey but at least if you are on the right track… you are on the right track!! :-)

Lovely to meet you



Justin | Mazzastick April 24, 2011 at 9:53 pm


The big one here for me is to remember to take care of myself. It’s easy to get caught up in the to do lists of life and forget that the body needs some rest.


Jayne Kopp April 25, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Justin, I totally ‘get’ where you’re at! I am the same. I think I am superwoman sometimes and tend to burn the candle at both ends. I have snapped out of it lately and have chosen to get some sleep at a reasonable time… but I do get up at 4:30am occasionally. Funny thing though when you do look after yourself, you have more energy and clarity to do a better job.

I’m with you on this 100%

Thanks for stopping by.



Marty April 24, 2011 at 2:24 am

I love this article Jayne.
I’m glad so many people write on this subject. It is all too easy to forget these lessons and drift along. Taking responsibility is the biggest of these. It is the cover all for the rest.


Jayne Kopp April 24, 2011 at 6:08 pm

Hi Marty.. isn’t that the truth? it really does all start with responsibility doesn’t it? Thanks for stopping by Marty. will see you soon. Hope Easter weekend has been nice for you.



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