Would the Real Me Please Stand Up?!

by Jayne Kopp on February 29, 2012

real me, real you

Have you ever gone through a stage in life where you’ve lost track of the real you?  Lately I know I’m just not in my game the way I’m meant to me and to be honest have felt these last few months to be living some sort of charade.

The problem is, I’ve come unglued, unfocused and have been wondering lately where the real me got to.

It’s frustrating, because to be quite frank as I’ve traveled a number of amazing paths during my lifetime and even more so these last few years and learned an awful lot, met and worked with some incredibly inspiring people.

Of course there have been times I have gained ground in leaps and bounds and really knocked it out of the park and other times I’ve slipped and allowed some goals to fall completely off the radar.  Lately however, I really feel to have sucked the big enchilada and simply stagnated!

Not only haven’t I acted on all of my goals in the way that I could, haven’t been out there as much as I should… I’ve gotten hung up on a few things I’m not sure how to ‘do’.

The result is my time management has flown out of the window, my focus and positive mindset has in some ways dwindled down the loo a bit and to be honest, there are some days that I’m  nothing more than ‘blank.”

I have felt to allow my shortfalls to get the better of me and I just haven’t known where to focus my efforts.  On top of all of that… even my blog Alexa ranking has skyrocketed from slightly under 100 to 280+K… which those of us in the online world know that in this case more is NOT better. :-(

To add insult to injury, there have been days I’ve dreaded coming over to “tickle my blog” with pink and frilly topics, mostly bursting with positivity and motivation, particularly when feeling somewhat opposite to the ‘shite’ eating grin on my header… (Above)… which incidentally due an overhaul in the not too distant future.

SO What’s the deal with the ‘real me’ and what’s changed?

Well I do have some ideas (thankfully) in fact they’re more than ideas; I’m pretty sure they’re bang on.

First of all, I’m human, and we all have ‘things’ that clog our energy flow from time to time.  There are some things I’ve carried around that have become heavy and need to be ‘put down’ to lighten the load.  All of these roadblocks are things I’m revved up to tackle… and I have set my intentions to make changes effective immediately.

Another thing that’s ‘bothered’  me a bit lately (well there’s actually two things..) is that I spoke to a lady who said “she wished she could be more like me… having it all together… as she felt she never would”.   I almost had to look behind me to see if there was anyone standing there who she may have been talking to instead. :-|

Then… another acquaintance / come friend told me she felt like “the universe just tossed her a huge ball of awesomeness bringing me into her life”.   How lovely is that?

Well… as  much as a compliment and boost to my ego these ‘beautiful statements’ are… they have also caused me to feel a huge surge of guilt. :-(

You see, even though I am positive… and I do have a great work ethic… and I do have motivation for the most part and admittedly I’m fairly busy… lately I sure haven’t felt to be living up to my own standards.

I mean, I’ve never though I am “the great I AM”… far from it… but lately if truth be told I’ve been the ‘great I’m not”…

I am only  human just like everyone else and even though I can still empower others… and get all revved up helping people lay their foundations in various aspects of life… when it comes to me… I’ve just ran out of “energizer bunny rambunctious ness”.

The thing is…I do realize it’s just a ‘stage’… and I’m certainly not going to beat myself up and throw in the towel or anything stupid like that.  This just goes to show you that no matter what ‘industry’ or ‘profession you’re in (mine being an empowerment coach) proves that we all run out of steam occasionally and have to regroup.

Despite the lovely compliments above… the truth is, I’m made out of the same stuff as any other human; if I get cut, I bleed, if stub my toe, I say ouch… and none of us ‘trump’ in baby powder scent!

The only thing that sets me apart from some of the people I coach is that I started pumping up the volume and got my business under way four years ago and definitely know a thing or two about a thing or two, perhaps a little more than they might at this stage of the game.

With that said, there are occasions still, where  self doubt can creep in and even the fear of failure can try to block me when I run headlong into a wall and have to grapple to break through it.

With all of this said and off my chest…  I’m ready to re launch the real me again… I’ve missed her to be honest… so I thought I’d share a few things I’ve done to renew and re-vamp.

The other day I looked in the mirror.  (As scary as that may sound).  I literally said “self… it’s time to make changes and get this show back on the road”…

I realized I hadn’t been following my advice lately nearly as much as I’d been dishing it out.

I’ve also been focusing on the ‘wrong’ things too.  Things that keep me ‘still’ instead of getting out there and shaking my booty… like we all should regardless of what we are aiming to achieve.

I decided to get my bottom anchored firmly on my chair… at my desk in order to regroup and reflect on why I do what I do in the first place.

The answer is … to earn a comfortable living from home so I can control my destiny and enjoy the blessing of raising happy, confident kids and live a more fulfilled life with my children.

That’s really the bottom line… Sounds pretty simple really… and it is.  Nothing frilly, nothing outlandish… certainly nothing that can’t continue.

Here’s the deal though.

I have taken on a few too many things and even though they’re all important pieces of the ‘Jayne journey’ I do have too many irons in the fire, hence have become scattered and less focused.

I picked up my pencil.  (You know… those skinny  yellow things with lead and I also pulled out my pad of paper… with lines ).  In other words… I didn’t type into a Word Doc… as writing is really waaaay more effective!

*First of all I listed all the tasks I MUST complete… and planned a few next steps.

**I then analyzed where I currently spend my time and discovered that apart from going around in circles, it seems that although I have built up a decent (ish) clientele… I have also been attracting the ‘wrong’ folks… and lots of ‘em!!

I have spent an incredible amount of time with people who ‘claim’ they want to make changes… like to shoot the breeze, play a violin, cry… whine and complain… but truthfully have no intentions of actually doing anything about it.  To tell you the truth it sometimes feels like I’m flogging a dead horse!

That… is coming to an end… clients or no clients.  I can no longer afford to spend time stroking people who don’t want to ‘make things happen’ it wastes time… mine and theirs, not to mention drains my energy and  pulls me down a bit too.

I have enough clients who are action takers… and those are the ones that lift my spirits so I’m definitely being more selective when it comes to choosing who I work with.

***I then made a list of the things I want to do… but don’t know how to.

I’ve often said I’m a bit of a technophobe… and I am.  Instead of hitting the challenges head on, I’ve allowed myself to drag my feet on the things I need to get a handle on.

Not anymore… I’m getting out there to find the help… and will even ask some of my online friends for assistance. (So fasten your seat belt if you’re part of the posse who’s bailed me out before… just a warning!) :-) .

I have also decided to alter some of my marketing strategies.  .  Not only am I exercising some new marketing techniques… some that I’ve used in the past with decent results… but I have also examined the benefits of exposing my business locally in addition to online.

I have recently realized just how many  people right in my own back yard need the type of help I provide  yet I mostly work wit h people abroad on Skype!  I know it sounds funny really… but it’s amazing how many customers we have in our own neck of the woods, yet we overlook that market share … daily.

Since talking with a few people close to home, I decided to launch a Womens’ Empowerment group in my home town along side of the owner of a local spa catering to mostly women.  A friend of mine is also very empowering and has a lot to add… so it really feels nice to work with people I know ‘personally’.

I also met another fellow who runs a successful business and we are in the midst of organizing a new monthly Mastermind group for folks who currently market existing businesses.

Although there are still a couple of details to iron out on both of these fronts… we are getting these off the ground in March come hell or high water!!

Phew getting this off my chest just feels good… and I already feel to be back on the path the finding the real me again!

It’s amazing what making a  firm decision or two can do for your well being… and I’d highly recommend self analysis if you feel to be a little off kilter.

Here are a few suggestions if you feel you’ve lost focus and need to get a grip on the real you again:

First or all, don’t worry about it… know you’re human and don’t take yourself too seriously!  Certainly don’t let a little slump put you off.

Then:  Revisit your BIG why. Getting clear on ‘why’ you do the things you do.  This incidentally doesn’t matter if your goal is to get in shape, lose weight, get organized or improve your outlook.  Just get IT straight and you’ll find everything will start to feel more worthwhile. 

Make a list of the specific actions you need to take.  This includes easy to do and the things that stall you.

Tackle the tasks you can do by yourself and then figure out a way to resolve the ones that pose challenges.  Always… always ask for help if you need to as it will save you so much time. (Take it from me…) :-|

Create a schedule,  taking time out  and then comitting to  focus on one thing at a time… or at least set aside certain times of the day to work on separate things.  Don’t cross paths and jump from one to the other as I have lately.  It doesn’t work.

Pat yourself of the back and acknowledge your personal power… then continue to keep moving and take massive action!

So why did I write this post about finding the real me?

I wrote this post to come clean and get things off my chest because I know for a fact there are so many people silently struggling with feeling stuck in a rut and not wanting to ‘say’ anything for fear of looking not so on top of things.

My take on this is that it’s often a natural transition and can even be called “growth”… and even if you don’t buy into the ‘growth’ aspect… I do believe everything can be an opportunity for improvement. :-)

Everyone goes through stages.    Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down… and getting stuck is normal.

Making a fresh slate and sorting things out is a great way to set yourself straight again so you can stop pretending to have the world by the balls… when sometimes the balls have you instead.  (Scuse the phrase… it just works!)

I have also found that getting ‘out’ and networking is really refreshing.  If you’re anything like me and work solely from home… even though I may have personal contact… it’s rarely ‘in person’ contact where I can ‘reach out and touch someone”…   it really is a nice change.

Re connecting with the real me has also made me realize I still have some pretty steep hills to climb… but by publicly announcing it in some ways helps me stay accountable as well as I have found a few people have shared their own feelings of frustration and make their own changes along with  me.

This has caused me to consider starting a forum or group where we an all share advice and help each other with challenges pertaining to various areas of life or business.

What do you think??

You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want… but the bottom line is… I know for myself it’s time to shed the “fuzzy pink blankey” and start making some more meaningful tracks and doing a few things that are perhaps a little scary!  After all that’s what I preach to my clients.

In the past I’ve always done whatever I have set my mind to doing… I think it’s time I reached down and caused history to repeat itself even though I might be at a different stage in my personal endeavours.

We all have the power to achieve any amount of success if we truly want to and if you’ve feel to have lost your momentum… or the real you as I felt to have lost the real me… (Regardless as to what you may be working on or facing) the only way to tackle it is to get a grip, get organized, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and take massive action.

This year is the year I plan to make huge changes and take great strides… no more pussyfooting for this chickadee… all I get out of that is cat shaped feet… and they’re just useless for a big girl like me! :-)

What are your thoughts?

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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Akos Fintor May 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Hi Jayne! I find spending time with those who know me best, helps to anchor me back to “the real me”. It is easy is this world to get caught up in what other people “want” you to be. Sometimes we get so used to playing a “role”…We don’t see out true selves disappearing! Nothing beats a reality check, from someone you can trust! I love the “action plan” idea too. Having a plan is a great way to not get overwhelmed with finding yourself. Make a “map” to find your way back to the ‘true YOU’…Thanks!

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Steve Nicholas March 14, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Great post, Jayne! I sympathize with watching the Alexa ranking slowly creep up (mine went from 422K to 1.9MM). Also, I have had the time management problem ever since I started teaching, because it seems like I have had the problem of figuring out what needs to go from my schedule, and usually this means that something important gets left behind. Thank you for letting me know that there are others who are in it together.
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:21 am

Hi Steve, sorry for lagging behind. There has been a pattern since the beginning of this year… been very busy completing other projects and I must say that feels good!

Yes the Alexa ranking really is unfortunate :( oh well… somethings’ gotta give when we are all busy.

As you say, we all are in this together… we got other things going on, we can always catch up on other things once we’re completely under control. :-)

Jayne

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Christy38 March 12, 2012 at 7:39 am

As a woman, quitting/hide with someone else is not the solution to overcome any challenges in life…. Confidence bring all of us to success and I am doing that because I want to attain the greatness of life…
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:22 am

Great Christy, thanks for commenting.

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Tosin March 9, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Hi Jayne,

Amen!

I also go through this from time to time, and sometimes wonder why I do that.

What has helped me in those situation is to step back and look at exactly why I feel that way. Is it a downline that quit? Is it some dried up leads? Is it the duplication issue?

Looking at the reason you are not as ‘high’ as you used to be is definitely a right step in the right direction. Some people just feel down and really cant place the reason and believe me when I say that trouble is lurking that way.

It also help to consciously put in some inspiring CDs: motivational stuffs or good music. I noticed that sometimes when we no longer believe ourselves that we are greater than we think, we tend to play close attention to people we respect who say same to us.

I listened to Jaime Soriano webinar in the MLSP backoffice and was really great. You should check it out sometimes.

Thanks Jayne :)
Tosin
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:27 am

HI Tosin, yes pinpointing things is really key in feeling better and free. I have been slowly fixing small(ish) things on top of getting on top of others!

I have made some significant life changes recently to get back into my game. haven’t shared them here yet but might… so needless to say home has been a bit of a zoo.

I listen to motivational / uplifting material every day. I also read a lot so that really does help.

Yes, the MLMSP is very good I used to use it however, I know myself and I suck at subscription stuff. I never get out of it what I put into it.

I always did much better on my own.

best

Jayne

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Peter March 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

I find it refreshing to read that you’re sometimes not following your own advice. I bet there are lots of bloggers out there who don’t follow their own advice at times. I know I do. :P

I think I also know the reason why: I often write blog articles when I’m at my best, so people don’t see the not so good version of myself. The doubts one can have, etc.

Everybody is human, and I say that’s a strength. :)

–Peter
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:38 am

HI Peter, aren’t I awful at being so lax on my blog. I will say however, I’ve been as busy as a “one armed paper hanger’ and I have been getting things DONE!

You are right, we are all human and we don’t always follow our advice, however I have been making many changes and getting on track.

I am feeling that I will finally get on top of things and that in itself feels great.

I think as long as we stay conscious of trying our best in everything we do, we are still further ahead than many.

Lovely to see you.

Jayne

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Alan Cheng March 5, 2012 at 6:21 am

Hi Jayne,

I’ve been in the same situation as you. There was a time where I felt lost and didn’t know what my actual goals are. I just continued to do things that came to me and reacted to them.

I believe that is why Napoleon Hill told us to write down our statement of desire and repeat it day and night. As you say, we’re just human. So we need reminders to keep us on track.

Great post as always, Jayne.
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:40 am

Hello Alan, I have definitely been more reactive than pro active prior to these last few weeks.

I have made some very significant changes lately that I will likely write about. It hasn’t been easy on all counts to be honest, but some things just need to be addressed to shake things up a bit.
(in my case a lot).

We definitely have to follow Mr. Hill’s advice to keep our subconscious mind in check. Otherwise things just fall off the radar.

Lovely to see you Alan.

Jayne

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Nicole March 2, 2012 at 5:50 pm

This is a lyric from the song of Eminem! :) Sometimes it really happens that you’ll get lose track of your own self, but what matters is how you get it back.. Thanks for sharing.. Good job!
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:41 am

Thanks Nicole for your encouraging message. Yes as long as we can get ourselves back on track, that is the important thing.

Jayne

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Jamella Biegel March 2, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Hi Jayne

Good for you for realizing that you were in a slump, and more importantly, for doing something about it!

The women’s empowerment group and the mastermind group sound like good ways to keep you focused.

You know what you have to do. Now go and do it!
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:43 am

HI Jamella, Thanks for your encouragement. The womens empowerment group is excellent and much needed in my community. The mastermind is also great inspiration and motivation.

I have known about a few ‘other’ things that have required change on the home front too, and those have been quite difficult but things are starting to turn around so it’s all good. (Thankfully).

Lovely to see you Jamella.

Jayne

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Warren March 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

Someone woke up ready to make some changes! :)

See you later “old you” and welcome back “new and improved”

The Mastermind group ideas is great, and sounds like you’ve got some great things planned!

I am bad at piling on too much “stuff” to do, and as you mentioned one of the best things to do in order to avoid spinning your wheels is to focus on one goal/task and complete (close down those other distractions) and then either break or move onto the next item.

See you soon.
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:46 am

HI Warren, yes indeed… hello new me! Actually I am still a work in progress but have made some really significant changes… both professionally and personally.

The personal ones have been quite difficult, hence I have had to focus on them more than my business lately. At least on the upside I am on the home stretch now and things are working out. It concerns my partner and some much needed healing I have needed to take time for and I feel like a pressure cooker where the steam is now being released so thats a positive.

I felt like a hypocrite coaching and looking like everything was tickety boo, when really things have been quite frustrating.

With all the changes, I am finally feeling like the chips are falling in the right place.

Lovely to see you Warren.

I hope your hefty goals have been accomplished.

Best

Jayne

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Peppy | The Peppy Writes Chronicles March 2, 2012 at 8:56 am

Hello Jayne,

Wow, talk about a ROAR of a post! Your ending point made me laugh … maybe my problem is having “cat shaped feet”?

Jayne, once again you reach out to others through the open and honest way in which you share your thoughts, views, and feelings!

I was getting concerned that this article was leading up to your saying you were moving on to other things — Phew!

But the Women’s Group you are planning sounds neat – I would imagine there are many women who are needing your coaching expertise that do better in a “brick and mortar” … I wish the best for you in this endeavor.

Thanks for this article – it has given me a lot to think about … and then what to do with my conclusions.

I hope you’re week is ending on a good note … and have a great weekend!

Always,

Peppy
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:56 am

Hi Peppy, thanks so much for your response. I have been busy working on other things but certainly haven’t decided to move away from my business.

I have however make some significant changes at home and have moved away from ‘some things’… one being my long time partner. I have been in desperate need of some quite time and more time with my own thoughts to recover from my divorce 7 years ago. It’s been a really tough go and I have just felt by not giving myself time it has caused me to be less effective in other parts of my life.

It’s been trying for sure, but all is ending well. Perhaps ‘ending’ is a poor way to put it, we feel things will get better once I look after ‘me’… and I wrote a post about ‘looking after yourself’ just a few days ago… and a selfish as it sounds, it has really released some of the emotion I’ve had bottled up.

I just figured being a ‘coach’ required me to follow my own advice so I had to walk through so me fears.

Lovely to see you Peppy. I hope you have been able to think a few things through.

Best

Jayne

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Madonna March 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Hi Jayne,

This is a sensational post, full of honesty and brimming with insight and wisdom. You will definitely find yourself although I don’t think the real you was ever lost. You are simply expanding your consciousness and moving to higher level of being.

Congratulations. Look forward to following you rise.

Madonna
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 6:59 am

My Madonna, thanks for such an inspiring comment.

Perhaps ‘me’ wasn’t lost but some crucial elements were for sure and I agree with the higher conciousness.

I have made some fairly hefty decisions lately and they have been a struggle, but I now feel ready to plow ahead… so I guess that is a good thing.

Thanks so much for taking time to pop over. :-)

Jayne

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David Leonhardt March 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Sounds like yore on the right path and you have a game plan. But have you found who the real you is?
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Jayne Kopp March 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Hi David… I’m starting to feel more in my game just making a few simple changes. When I’m accomplishing… I feel like me.

I’ve never ‘done well’ with being loosy goosy. I’m out of myself when I’m complacent and stuck.

When I feel to be at least ‘on track’… if tend to bloom a little brighter.

Thanks for asking!

I must read why “Canadians continue to hold onto their cars longer’… being a canuck and all! :-) why have I had my Rav since 2004?? or my Beemer since 1999? Hmmm… I’ll find out later won’t I? Maybe its time for a change? ;-)

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Hezi March 1, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Hi Jayne :) That’s an important step that you have decided to take. I think that from a business side, having a detailed plan of what you want to do is crucial. Waiting to see the results :)
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Jayne Kopp March 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Hezi… thanks for your comment. I actually ‘feel’ the results and difference starting to happen.

There’s nothing worse than just plodding on doing the same old, same old.

will keep you posted!

Best

Jayne

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Sandy March 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Hi Jayne,
We humans have these feelings of “I don’t care” sometimes.Luckily we get back to the old me, if not it would trully be a disaster wouldn’t it? lol.

Sandy
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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 7:04 am

HI Sandy, I do believe we critters do let things slide occasionally. It really is a shame and can certainly lead to a life of disaster if we don’t pull ourselves up.

I recently wrote a post about ‘looking after yourself’ and ‘putting yourself first’ and I have had to do a lot of that lately. Some things have been quite challenging but at least I am looking in the rear view mirror now and feeling that things are starting to pan out. (phew)

Thanks so much for leaving a comment. I am interested in reading your post on resizing photo’s. I use Picnik right now but it’s changing over to Google… and I am not quite liking the new ‘look’… so I’ll be over to visit you at ‘your place’ in a while! :-)

Best regards

Jayne

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Rebecca Reddy February 29, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Jayne,
I surely like your action plan to get yourself back on track. Very similar to you I follow this when I find my wheels spinning: Begining with accepting myself for where I am at. I ask: Why am I striving for(your goal). What is my plan and what steps do I need to make now. How will I accomplish that/those steps. And  Who can I ask for help. I also prefer writing it on paper. I don’t know about you, but it’s great for the kinesthetic part of me.
~Becca
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Jayne Kopp March 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Hi Becca… I’m a ‘kinesthetic’ person too. I ‘feel’ the difference in things more than anything and make many decisions based on this part of me.

Thanks for your encouragement. We do seem to be similar in our plan of attack.

Lovely to see you

Jayne

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Preciouss February 29, 2012 at 3:30 am

I can definitely relate to you…I think mine is worse…But thanks for the tips you have here for us…

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Jayne Kopp March 23, 2012 at 7:05 am

HI there… I am not sure if there can be a comparison of challenges or not. We all have different things to face. Just get started on one thing at a time. You’ll be fine!

Best

Jayne

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