If I had a dime for how many people I know who worry about what other people think rather than give themselves credit for their own ideas, I’d be rolling in them! (Dimes that is!)
As you might already know, I spend a lot of time on calls either coaching or doing follow up and it seems that when it comes to people wanting to make “out of the ordinary” life changes but feel too stuck to take action, more often than not, the reason they don’t move forward is almost always related to what others think of their decisions.
What I mean is, the people I talk to are more focused on “caring about what others think” rather than caring about themselves and putting their own needs and desires first on the list!
Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing un-toward about getting input or decent advice. The problem is however, it seems many comments from “peanut galleries” these days are often not supportive and are from people who don’t have a blinking clue.
For example… I was talking to a fellow the other day (I’ll call him Bob) who wanted my honest opinion about starting an online business and whether I thought it might be a worth while endeavour for him.
Well… naturally, as you may have guessed, I feel that anyone who wants to try their hand at being an entrepreneur… should! I’m not saying jump in and throw down a huge lump of cash or anything like that…but if you wanted to perhaps take a kick at the can with, let’s say affiliate marketing, blogging, or marketing an online business opportunity… I’ll always be the first one to say “go for it!”
So… after I told him to “go for it”… and give it a whirl, he told me the reason he had been holding off was because one of his friends feels that all internet marketing ventures are scammy!
Hello? I mean what the heck? (I thought) … how are all internet marketing businesses scams?
Clearly this term is so broad that it makes no sense… does it? I mean, isn’t it obvious that “Buddy” there didn’t have a clue what he was talking about? So why the heck then would Bob give two shoots about what his friend said?
I mean…okay… yes… there are some ‘scams’ online… but there are as many offline or anywhere else you look. Making a broad statement like this is like saying everyone on the planet is dishonest!
So anyway… I said to BOB… “Well that’s a ridiculous statement … what do you think Bob?”
Well Bob told me he personally didn’t think that all internet marketing ventures were scams (again the whole sentence makes me want to scream) but he knows there are some that are not cracked up to be what they say… and so… he really wasn’t sure whether to take a chance… or not.
With one eyebrow raised, my next question to Bob was… “Bob… if you started a business and decided to market it online… does this mean that would make you scammer or do you believe you’d be building a solid business with the utmost integrity?”
Bob said… “Well no…I wouldn’t scam anyone, but what if I decided to market a business opportunity and is was a scam and even though my intentions were honest… what if I found out later?”
I said… “Bob… can’t you think for yourself? I mean… naturally you’ll have to do some research and look into things and perform due diligence… but if you find something that resonates with you and you feel ‘comfortable’… so comfortable that it feels right … and it’s something you can afford to invest in… and you’ve asked around….then maybe it’s not so much your fear of ‘scams’ but rather it might be your personal belief system that needs looking at?
“Yea maybe” (says Bob) “but what he (Buddy) said really made me lose nerve to a point…. and then I started thinking about the fact that I don’t know anything about online marketing and the fact I’d likely have to start writing articles or doing video’s… and I was worried about ‘what other people might think’ if I mess up….. or don’t have the right way of getting my message across, yada yada yada”….(long run on sentence I know…)
Although my inner voice wanted to come out in the form of frustration… I also know deep inside that this “worrying about what others think” is what prevents thousands of people from taking a chance on anything in life. In other words… ‘Bob’ is not alone.
The thing is… I suppose we all have an inner need to succeed and we all would love to come across flawless. We all, in a perfect world would feel better with genuine support from our friends and family. We’d also like to be seen as “having it all together” right from the get go. Let’s face it, everybody fears failure… particularly in front of our peers.
The truth is though, that anything in life that is worth doing in order to create positive change… (the kind of change we desire in the centre of our hearts), often does require “personal” willingness to take a risk. Not only that but we also often have to learn to say “to hell with everything and everyone… I’m going for it”.
Sometimes… (often really) in order to get ahead we have to put on a brave face and step out into the great unknown in order to ‘know’ if our choices are the right ones.
The only alternative is to have that nagging-panging feeling that tugs at our inner self that will continue plague our minds forever, forcing us us ‘wonder’ if we should have just taken that brave step when we were so close to doing it… but didn’t.
In other words… sometimes we will never know what “could have been” if we don’t just step up to the plate and find out first hand!
You know, when it really gets right down to it, most people who give negative advice only do so because they A) don’t know what they are talking about, B) really don’t have a grasp or understand everything about the topic, C) try to protect you from making a mistake or… D) Secretly would hate to see you get further ahead than they are.
To be honest, the reason often has a lot to do with “D”… like it or not… after all, misery loves company and never wants to be left behind or see others take a chance on something that is much greater than anything they’d have the guts to try.
Then of course there’s the “Bobs” of the world; those who take the advice of others and end up doing nothing instead of following their own dreams and trying new things.
Usually those who care about what other think A) lack confidence and need to learn to get a handle on limiting beliefs and inner critic, B) really don’t want what they say they want badly enough, C) they are too lazy to work towards their dreams, or D) don’t feel they are worthy or capable of success.
Whilst I do tend to think that more often than not, it’s lack of confidence or a poor self image that holds people back, I also feel that a combination of all of the above is intertwined with limiting belief and is why many cannot seem to trust their own common sense decisions or follow their own hearts.
I’ll give you another example about how caring about what others think can hinder personal fulfillment
This is a true story that does not pertain to starting a business but rather is about a friend of mine who wanted to train for the Vancouver Sun Run. (It’s a marathon held every spring in my neck of the woods).
Now I’ve done this run… even though I’m really not a runner… well at least not these days. (It’s just not my “thing” anymore… but I digress..).
In any event, my friend was “humming and harring” as to whether she was going to start training for it….
When I asked her why she was waning on her enthusiasm… she told me that “her daughter and her husband didn’t think she’d make it!”
Upon hearing this I naturally would have liked to crack all of their heads together… including hers.
I mean… how ridiculous!!…seriously!! Here’s my friend who really wants to do this run and she’s listening to what others think she can or cannot do?? Gimme a break. ((Please!))
First of all… who the heck are ‘they’ other than her family that is… which sometimes I
think is unfortunate… (I don’t really I’m being a bit sarcastic … but it does burn my britches!). I just can’t believe that anyone who’s supposed to ‘care’ about someone would say that they’re not capable!
The Vancouver Sun Run is something that anyone can do if they really want to do it. It’s only 10 kilometres which in the big scheme of things is NOT a huge deal! I mean, this run can be done in anywhere from 50 to 90 minutes… not much more if you walk it…. but yet… she’s thinking about scrapping the idea of participating because her husband and daughter can’t find it in them to support her enough… and she’s allowed them to convince her she might not make it?? (Aaaarggh!)
Mind boggling… I know… but why??
Worrying about what other people think always makes me crazy.
Particularly if what YOU want to do… is harmless… I can’t get my head around why a person wouldn’t try anyway.
The bottom line is that if you truly want to make some sort of change or try something new… whether it’s starting a business, training for a marathon, learning to play piano, taking singing lessons, writing a book… whatever it is you want to do … you need to do it FOR YOU.
If you allow yourself to worry about what others think… you are not living authentically. That is the bottom line! You will likely go through the motions of living the rest of your days never having the feeling of being truly satisfied with life.
The things you prevent yourself from ‘trying’ will always weigh on your heart if they meant enough to you to have thought about in the first place and I can guarantee in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years down the road you will always look back and wished you had done the things you wanted when you had the chance.
I will also guarantee that when the day comes that you ascend to the “pearly gates” you will not look back on your life and be ‘glad’ you didn’t try something new and exciting and missed a bunch of opportunities in life.
The take away to this rather long post is that whatever you need or want to do… you should do if it will fill a void or you feel there is merit in doing so.
Again, it doesn’t matter what “it” is… it could be learning to earn online, it might be skydiving for that matter… the bottom line is if it will help you become more fulfilled, give you a feeling of accomplishment and perhaps get a couple of things checked off your bucket list… do it.
Life is far too short to worry about what ‘George’ down the street thinks and I say it over and over again that we should all latch onto a perspective shift and learn to live in the moment. One day the nay-sayers might be ‘thinking’ about what you’ve done in a positive way with admiration… which at that stage of the game will just be wind beneath your wings and put an extra feather in your cap!
Everything is do-able if you want it badly enough. If others have done it… you can too… so “bugger” what others think… worry about what YOU think!
As Napoleon hill says, “”What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve””. Let this be your mantra and if you need help or empowerment along the way, contact me and lets get the ball rolling!